There are so many moons in the Star Wars universe that even the internet can’t name them all.  It’s said that there are 60+ major planets throughout the Star Wars galaxy and each planet tends to have at least 1-2 moons, with some having upwards to 4 or more moons.  

But I don’t believe this.  You mean to tell me there isn’t a balding, Doritos eating basement dweller out there who can state with confidence how many moons there are in the Star Wars world?  

Now, I suppose I get it.  In order to know how many moons there are, you would have had to keep up with all the different Star Wars stories that have been told by a multitude of directors and authors now.  George Lucas started the Star Wars galaxy with the main planets but there’s been many people since who have expanded the Star Wars lore and created planets upon planets like they were hot cakes. 

Star Wars-aside, our real planet is going to be getting it’s own second moon.  In reading stories about this, headlines make it sound like the Earth was a good boy and now gets a second moon as a reward.  

An asteroid called 2024 PT5 (sounds like one of Elon Musk’s kids) is slated to hit Earth’s orbit and circle around our planet for two months, just long enough for us to feel like we’re part of the Star Wars universe.

But you won’t be able to see it with a regular telescope. The space rock is apparently only 33 feet wide and won’t complete a full rotation around the earth but rather a horseshoe-like movement, whatever that means?

There, I. did the research for you on the second “moon”…which is really just an asteroid, which will return to its asteroid belt in a couple months, only to return again to orbit us in January and then again in 2051.

Some useful knowledge just got pushed out of your brain in replacement of this second moon story, didn’t it. Sorry!

This week's issue is a 3 minute read:

🍱 “Healthy” lunch by YouTubers

🚨 Diddy is done

🏀 Nike getting lazy

Lunchly vs Lunchables Everybody Else

There were two types of kids growing up at lunch time. The ones who got the really cool lunch and the ones who got a plain sandwich with an apple and maybe a dessert of some sorts. The kids who got the really cool lunch definitely got Lunchables back then. And given no kid cares about how healthy their lunch is, if you could eat Lunchables everyday for lunch, you best believe you would do it!

No kid cares about how healthy their lunch is.

Enter: MrBeast, Logan Paul, and KSI. If you live under a rock or could care less about Gen Z pop culture, basically to sum it up, three of the biggest YouTubers/streamers in the world have teamed up with their unhealthy products to bring you a rival unhealthy lunch alternative to Lunchables called, Lunchly.

Translation: they’ve teamed up to create a product that they themselves wouldn’t actually eat.

Coming in three varieties, pizza, turkey, or nachos, Lunchly’s nutritional value is supposed to be better with less calories and less sugar than Lunchables. But it’s still processed food served with a Feastibles chocolate bar and a bottle of Prime energy drink.

The YouTubers and basically the whole internet did not take kindly to the claims that Lunchly was a healthier option for lunch. MrBeast defended Lunchly earlier this week:

You’d be completely tone-deaf not to see the dollar signs all over this given Feastibles has done something like $100M in revenue since its inception and Prime energy drink is worth a couple billion. But, like, can they not at least try to give kids a decent product?

Aside from selling kids processed food, the real lesson here is the marketing masterclass each of these content creators (and I guess wrestler?) is putting on. Build a massive audience. Build a ton of trust in that audience. Then sell them basically anything you want.

Diddy Officially Done

Sean Combs, otherwise known as Puff Daddy to millenials and Diddy to Gen Z, was arrested in New York earlier this week for charges ranging from racketeering, to a whole flurry of sex trafficking related offenses, to assault, forced labour, drugs, arson, bribery, and obstruction of justice. Basically if it was illegal, he most likely did it.

Diddy did a lot of things he shouldn’t have done.

Six months ago his house in Miami was raided by the FBI and the internet blew up, saying there’s all kinds of shenanigans that will be uncovered about Diddy’s lifestyle, his crazy “Freak Off” parties, and the laundry list of famous people associated with them. And then it was seemingly crickets surrounding what was going on with what seemed like a case that could potentially ruin a lot of people, especially the big names who attended his parties.

But did no one notice the excessive amount of baby oil and lube seemingly stocked at his house and think, hmmm, one day the world might find out about this? Or the IV’s given to people because they were so drugged up?

The charges and evidence against Diddy seem very strong. The 14 page indictment is available online for your perusal if you were curious about the details about essentially a very messed up individual’s life.

Oh, and the Netflix documentary comes out in 2025 😏

The Worst City Jerseys Yet

As the season approaches, we’re starting to get a bit more NBA news in our lives (THANK GOD). This week leaks of this season’s city jerseys were posted online. When Nike first took over jersey manufacturing for the league they introduced the “City” jersey as a way to embed themes and entity from the city into the jersey. And for the most part, each year’s class of city jerseys were pretty decent.

But I don’t know about this year man…

You know when you first get a job and you crush it because you’re new and want to make a good first impression? And then you ride that momentum to ensure the boss likes you. And then eventually your effort fades at bit but no one notices because they remember how much you crushed it early on? Yeah, that’s these jerseys.

It’s like they just said, EFF it, Utah, New Orleans, Portland (ironically), and OKC, y’all can just get the same thing you’ve gotten before.

And then Miami, we’re just going to shift the font around a bit but that’s it and add the word “culture”. New York and Philly, you guys get a slight touch up. Milwaukee, no one would care about you if it wasn’t for Giannis so you get a new colour, that’s it.

Toronto: you guys get this really cool logo inspired by Vince Carter’s dunk competition. BUT, we’re going to make it too big and make it look like the jersey came from Aliexpress.

Golden State, you guys get the same jersey. Houston, we’re just going to change it to H-Town. Minnesota, your best player is an Adidas athlete so you guys get an old design with new font. Memphis, you guys get a Chicago Bulls jersey.

Lebron already came into our office kicking and screaming so LA, you guys get the best city jersey in the league.

Atlanta, we’re giving you the same jersey from 1996 but changing the colour. Brooklyn, we gave up on you when KD and Kyrie left. Boston, we’re giving you a practice jersey. Indiana, you guys get something WAY cooler than your best player.

All in all, unless I was a Lakers fan, all I can say is WTF Nike.