This time last week I was on a floating condo in the Atlantic Ocean.  Cruise ships are like these mini ecosystems that exist for a brief moment in time, and then everyone goes home.  But for that brief moment, you live in this world of buffets, activities on multiple ship decks, and soca/dance hall music by the multiple pools.  I now get the allure of why people buy yachts - the ability to just float from island to island, on a well furnished, comfortable ship, with a crew ready to take care of any of your needs is something anyone would enjoy.

That is if you don’t get sea sick easily.

There’s this other side of cruises where although the ship is this massive, seemingly never-ending vessel of restaurants, unlimited ice-cream, and a casino(!), it is also this floating world of wobbly walking, kids treating the hot tubs like they’re their own mini swimming pools, and strategically placed barf bags on each deck.  

We spent a week cruising from Cape Liberty in New Jersey all the way down to Nassau in the Bahamas and then back again.  Would I choose to drive from Toronto to New Jersey again?  Probably not.  But I also drove through 8 hours straight of pouring rain and flood warnings, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Read on for Dulture’s take on cruising 👇️ 

This week's issue is a 5 minute read:

🚢 Living on a giant floating object

🍽️ Eating on a giant floating object

🏃Playing on a giant floating object

The Floating Condo Experience

When you stay on a boat for a week in March you kind of have to pack for two climates: the obvious hot climate that attracted you to take the cruise in the first place, and the awkward colder climate that you experience when you leave and come back.  It’s kind of like when you take a hot vacation in the winter and you have to dress warmly to get to the airport but then when you land at your destination you’re in super hot fleece/cotton clothes while the locals stare at you and wonder wtf is wrong with you.

Once you have yourself sorted out, checked in, and all of your stuff is in your room, you have to get a bit creative with your room as cruise ship rooms have definitely gotten bigger since the last time I was on a cruise in the 90’s but your bathroom will still feel like a Tokyo hotel bathroom.  Fun fact, the walls, doors, and ceiling are all magnetic so we brought magnetic hooks to hang stuff on and all of the sudden it felt like we had a TON of space.

You’re also living directly next to people for a week.  On our left we had a quiet family who continuously let their door slam shut whenever they left - so I guess not so quiet.  And on our right we had a family with teenagers who blasted their music on their balcony while someone smoked cigarettes.  Suffice to say our balcony experience was rarely relaxing.  

But just like going to a resort or regular hotel, you definitely get the comfort of everything being a decently close walk to your room.  And as a bonus, it’s kind of fun to just walk through a boat every time you need to get somewhere, especially if it involves walking on the outside decks in the warm sun.

Never Not Hungry on the Boat

If you can accept the fact that you’ll probably eat something similar every day for a week, you can’t go hungry on the boat.  But you get enough dining options that if you end up eating the same thing, you can split it up between going to the buffet, to one of the snack places (hotdogs/pizza/sandwiches/etc.) to the main dining room restaurants, who slightly switch up their menu every night based on the theme.  And to put things in perspective, given you’re out in the middle of the ocean for a week, there’s only so much diversity one can offer without having to source new food (somehow).

The fun thing about cruises is that they’re typically run by international companies and staff so you tend to get a wide range of foods to try throughout the journey, which tends to shake things up.  And then when you figure out the food situation on the boat, you’ll find that you tend to just gravitate towards what you like over and over again - which is always a good thing.  

We had three options for dinner on the boat - the buffet, the main dining rooms, or one of the three restaurants where you have to pay for the food but it’s either unique (sushi) or a bit more upscale of a food experience - nicer steaks than what you get in the main dining room restaurants.  For the most part you’ll get a decent meal in the main dining room restaurants, where they don’t care how many appetizers, mains, or deserts you order for yourself.  Want try a bunch of appetizers on the menu?  Sure!  Want an extra prime rib?  They’ll bring it!  Like the jerk pork chop so much that you want the entire plate all over again - yes, I did this. 

They don’t care how much you want to eat, they’ll keep bringing it out.

Yes you’ll see a lot of the same foods over and over.  And yes, sometimes they’ll be just OKAY quality, but you really can’t go hungry on the boat.

B*tch! I’m ON A BOAT

There’s usually something for everyone on cruise ships.  On our boat there was this giant indoor area called the Seaplex with two full sized basketball courts that converted to a large space for bumper cars, laser tag, a massive dodgeball game, or any other activity one would play in gym class.  They also had an arcade, an Xbox area, and ping pong tables. I kept saying while we were there, if you were 16 years old on this boat, you’d be having the time of your life hanging out in the Seaplex alone.

You also get your typical pool situation, both indoors and outdoors, of multiple sizes.  My hypothesis is depending on how big the boat is will depend on whether you get waterslides and other large structures as well.  We had a rock climbing wall and a FlowRider, which were nice features for those interested in either one.  

Alongside the restaurants there’s a million bars on the boat, which I assume is par for the course on a cruise ship.  And from what I understand, unless you’re on a Disney cruise ship, you’re going to have a casino onboard.  I didn’t know how I felt about knowing I could take an elevator down to the bottom of the boat in shorts and sandals but it was something to do at the end of the day after everyone went to bed.  

In this particular cruise we were most excited for the Perfect Day island stop aka the island MrBeast rented out for his private island video.  

Imagine being able to cruise to an island dedicated to only sitting on perfect beaches with access to massive pools and food and drinks nearby no matter where you go.  “Perfect Day at Coco Cay” was truly a perfect day.

Cruising isn’t for everyone - partially for the simple fact that you’re on a boat and sea sickness is a real thing.  But also you’re on a boat and if you don’t particularly like certain aspects of it, you kinda can’t leave. 

That all said cruise boats truly are floating condo communities these days and so if you think you’ve had enough of one thing, there’s typically space for something else.  And one thing I haven’t even mentioned yet is they make it so easy for travellers.  The logistics of getting on and off the boat in a sea of 4000+ people is smoother than any 4000+ crowd you’ll ever deal with.  I guess that’s why so many retired old people go on cruises?

Oh and we went on the Anthem of the Seas by Royal Caribbean.