We were just a day late from having all kinds of Star Wars references in this week’s issue. But that’s okay because instead of Star Wars, we get the anniversary of Mexico’s victory over the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. And also the one day that outshines St. Patrick’s Day and the Super Bowl in beer sales. No it’s not Mexican Independence Day but it is a great reason to get you some tacos - Cinco De Mayo!

When you’re a kid your default favourite food tends to be something like McDonald’s or pizza. It was only until I discovered the Taco God, otherwise known as Old El Paso, that tacos overtook chicken McNuggets as the only thing I wanted to eat. BuT tHeY’rE nOt ReAl TaCoS ← I was a white kid raised by white parents who knew nothing about Mexico, Old El Paso was the pinnacle of Mexican food in our house, ok?

I eventually leveled up in my adolescence with the discovery of Taco Bell and THAT became all I ever wanted to eat. Was that one of my better decisions in my life? Absolutely not but I had an iron stomach growing up. Now I need a planned recovery after eating Taco Bell - perhaps you can relate.

These days I only eat bougey tacos from hipster taquerias and they better be $3.99/taco and $10 Modelos or I’m only tipping 15%! I’m joking - taco night is very much a thing in my house. Although, if you’ve ever eaten at a restaurant in Toronto called Campechano then we have a shot at becoming best friends.

This week's issue is a 4 minute read:

🏒 I’ve become a hockey fan again

🥑 The BEST condiment you’ll ever make

🏡 Green Green Grass, Blue Blue Skies

It’s been 10 years since I’ve watched a hockey game

If you haven’t gathered yet, I like to talk about sports every so often. Predominantly basketball but little did you know, from about 1990 until 2012, I started my morning watching TSN Sportscentre. Like the kid down the street who rhymes off information on any Pokemon at the snap of a finger, that was sports for me growing up. Hockey was no exception - Mats Sundin was my guy.

BUT THEN THE LEAFS BLEW A 4-1 LEAD IN A GAME 7 AND I HAD ENOUGH

Everyone has that one corporation that they despise. Perhaps there’s a few of them. For me it’s the Telcos in Canada and Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment. To me, MLSE is Cobra Commander from GI Joe (hear me out!). He has all the money and weapons in the world and yet still always seems to lose against what tends to look like a weaker GI Joe force. That sums up the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Knowing that billions of dollars still couldn’t buy them a playoff win, I stopped watching. I couldn’t find it in me to support a billion dollar organization that kept floundering their money.

Fast forward 9 years and the TML bandwagon has sucked me up. I’m like a 17 year old at a senior’s party - I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m just gonna go with it!

The fact that they won their first playoff series since 2004 is already a big deal to the city. Now my wife asks if I’m going to yell when they score. I told her probably not but asked, “ why, do you think I’m a big fan again?” She responded with, “Psh, no. I just don’t want you to wake up the kids.” Let’s see if the Leafs make it to the Eastern Conference Finals - then I’ll start worrying about waking people up.

…it ain’t looking good though.

This stuff is crack for your tacos

I'm only going to judge your taco night based on your taco sauces. I can live with everything else. Unless you’re only doing meat and cheese tacos like my friend Porter - then I raise a massive eyebrow.

I’m about to share the avocado cream I make that will have you licking the spoon when you’re done. This will be all you ever need to put on a taco and I guarantee you will be satisfied.

Assuming you just want to try it out first and make a small portion (because you don’t TRUST ME), you need:
1 Avocado
A few scoops of sour cream
Juice from 1 lime
1 jalapeño - depending on how spicy you want this to be, you might throw it all in, half, or maybe even another jalapeño, it’s up to you!
A bit of chopped up cilantro (depends on how much you like, you decide)
A a few cloves of chopped up garlic
A bit of salt

Throw all of this into a food processor until it’s all chopped up and blended into a light green cream and then you’re done! You’ll want to taste it as you blend it as I find that I normally have to add a bit more jalapeño and a bit more salt throughout the process to get it tasting exactly how we like it. Obviously add more avocados and more sour cream if you want to make a big batch of this stuff. And it lasts for days if you put it in an airtight container in the fridge.

Now throw this on your tacos, your quesadillas, or use it as a dip for nachos. I guarantee you will love this and you will DM me telling me you love it 😉 

The lazy way to manage your lawn

There’s this house in my neighbourhood where the grass is in pristine condition all year round. Every blade of grass is so impeccably cut it’s as if someone gave the grass the most careful 90’s buzz cut ever. I’ve seen the guy out there meticulously picking at the grass, a little patch here, a few blades there. And then I realized he’s retired - of course he has the time to pull out bad grass with tweezers!

I don’t know if I’m speaking for the rest of us when I say, our grass looks great too…in the dark…at night.

Late April / early May is the equivalent of New Years Day. Every year I say this is the year I’m going to transform my lawn for the better! This is the year I’m going to go out there right at the beginning of the season and seed, aerate, and deal with any weeds. All these good intentions and before I know it, it’s early July and I’ve got a sea of yellow dandelions covering everything.

With my procrastination through the years I’ve developed a few lazy hacks that you too can do, especially if you’re lazy or are dealing with a torn meniscus like me - YES MY KNEE IS STILL EFFED UP.

1. If you’re going to mow your lawn full of weeds, spray the patches of cut weeds with weed killer afterwards and try to rake up as much of the cut weeds as possible. If you leave the weed clippings on your grass you’re bound to get new ones sprouting and then you’re just in this vicious cycle of mowing weeds every week.

2. Leave your lawn clippings on our lawn after you mow the actual grass. I find they cover up patches and then help grow new grass. Being lazy and not cleaning up your clippings helps!

3. Try to cut your grass so it stays fairly long but not like…ugly? And do it before it rains. The grass will get stronger and fuller, leaving less room to grow weeds when you don’t cut it down to the ground. And I’ve seen that those grass clippings help grow new grass for me. So when it rains the water will help integrate the old clippings into the grass and you may be pleasantly surprised at your laziness!

Now I need to go take my advice and do all of this ✌️