We all remember our first cell phone - it was either a clunker or something sleek depending on how old you are.

For those of you who remember it more so as a clunker, I know you secretly miss it! Remember when T9 texting was a thing? Man, I used to text while driving all the time without even looking at my phone and there were no typos! Why’d people have to ruin it for the rest of us?

The last phone I had before a smart phone was a Nokia slider phone that had what I thought was the symbol for 3G but rather was a network operator from Europe - this. But as a result, I always thought I could get internet on that phone but had no clue how to actually do it. Little did I know Canada was one of the last 1st world countries to incorporate data plans with their cell phones.

What the heck is a data plan?

This was the other thing I had an idea about but wasn’t so sure. Then the iPhone 3G came out and I WANTED IT. I had no clue why, but I wanted it. But I didn’t want a data plan or whatever they called it back then. I didn’t want to know what it was like to have internet on my phone all the time in fear that I would get addicted to it. Haha - I know…

I remember arguing with the person at Rogers where I was like, just sell me the damn phone with a normal plan on it, I don’t need a data plan. And all they kept saying was, sorry sir, the phone can’t work without a data plan. Can’t work without a data plan, why!??!?!??!?? They had no idea why. And so I left the world of dumbphones behind in 2008.

Dumbphones are making a come back!

In 2023 Canada saw a 25% increase in dumbphone sales, a whopping 98,600 dumbphones were sold in Canada. These feature-less phones do exactly what you expect them to do, display a screen, perform and receive calls and text messages and if you’re lucky, you can play SNAKE. More importantly, parents are realizing that they can stay in touch with their kids with a cell phone without giving them a device that they will most likely glue to their hand the second it comes out of the box.

Dumbphones are also becoming a way to detox from smartphones, social media, and just apps in general. And at $80 on average for a phone, I’d say that’s a pretty good trade off. But not only are the likes of flip phones making a comeback, there’s companies out there actually making some sick looking phones…that you basically can only talk and text on (and maybe a couple other things).

I will definitely cover these in more depth in another issue but check out Light Phone and tell me you don’t want one.

This week's issue is a 4 minute read:

🙅 The beef is not over

⚽️ Football Football Football

🍸️ JT caught D&D

K Dot’s Pop Out

Just when we thought the Drake <> Kendrick Lamar beef was done, it’s far from over. In fact, I think gasoline might’ve just been thrown on an ember. Wait, would gasoline cause an ember to burn more? Anyway, you get what I’m trying to say. Kendrick performed at his “The Pop Out: Ken & Friends” concert in LA Wednesday night to a cast of thousands including some pretty notable LA natives.

It was streamed on Amazon and Twitch, which may be why you didn’t even know the thing was going on until after the fact (aka me). But social media is all of our best friend and so there was plenty of videos and photos to go around about the concert.

Kendrick started with “Euphoria”, confirming he might just be the pettiest rapper of our generation. And also confirming that the beef is very much alive.

And he of course performed “Not like us” five times over:

Now I know DeMar DeRozen is from the same place as Kendrick Lamar but he’s also supposed to be a beloved Toronto Raptor. Toronto, do we claim DeMar anymore after he was c-walking on stage to “Not like us”?

Of course LeBron was there. Good ol, good friends with Drake, LeBron.

If you went to the show you could purchase merchandise with New Ho King on it, the chinese restaurant referenced in the rap beef. The joke’s on Kendrick though, anyone in Toronto knows the best chinese food is in Markham. Come to Markham, Kendrick, we’ll settle this beef once and for all over hot pot at Haidilao!

It’s A Good Time To Be A Soccer Fan

This past week both the Euro Cup and the Copa América kicked off giving any fan of soccer a reason to watch TV for the next month. In the first match for the Copa América, Argentina beat Canada, 2-0, no thanks to Messi who was stopped numerous times by the Canadian goalkeeper, Maxime Crepeau. Hey, we lost the game but we stopped the current best player in the world - we should be taking any mini victory we can get against Argentina.

Meanwhile in Europe, Cristiano Ronaldo’s Portugal squad won their first game this past week, no thanks to him either. Ronaldo looked decent, not getting as much touches as you would expect him to but he was much more involved in the game than when we saw him last playing for Portugal in the World Cup where he was benched in the knockout round.

However, I honestly just want to see Kylian MBappé steamroll over everyone. Dude had a nasty shoulder hit his nose which broke it in France’s first match against Austria. He’s slated to play in France’s match against The Netherlands this afternoon. I think the entire world puts him in the goat conversation as soon as Messi and/or Ronaldo retire because I think he’s technically better than them already.

And It’s Not A Good Time To Be Justin Timberlake

The “Trolls: World Tour” actor (lol) was caught driving under the influence in Long Island, NY Tuesday night, much to the chagrin of the police officer who had no clue who he was.

Justin is currently performing on his Forget Tomorrow world tour. Apparently he had been out for dinner and barely drank anything. “Barely”. The cop pulled him over for failing to stop at a stop sign and failing to stay in his lane - not quite sure those are sober actions?

Although Justin is still slated to perform in Chicago today and tomorrow, the internet wasted no time in roasting 2000’s teen idol popstar Tiger Beat magazine cover Britney Spears ex-bf NSYNC reunion (maybe?) star of Alpha Dog best friends with Jimmy Fallon 43 year old (really, 43??) pop star.